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Drugs

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Prescription Medication

 ADHD Drugs

Your Dose: (How the drugs make you feel as described by real people)

Your Dose: (How the drugs make you feel as described by real people)

You might feel… Pleasure, contentment, sociable or talkative, focused and more interested in what you study or do, pensive, increased energy, hyperactivity, anxiety, insomnia, “sped-up” thoughts and sensations of the body, confident, aggressive, irritable.

People with Attention Deficit Hyper Disorder are persistently more inattentive, impulsive, and/or hyperactive than people at a comparable developmental level. If abused, some of the drugs used to treat ADHD can have cocaine or speed-like effects. These drugs are exploited for their high, but also for their ability to make people stay awake, focus for long periods of time, and lose weight.

The most common drugs prescribed to patients with ADHD are stimulants that fall under two categories: Methylphenidates and Amphetamines. Paradoxically, these stimulants are believed to illicit a calming response in people with ADHD. Methylphenidates include Ritalin, Concerta, Metadate, and Daytrana. Amphetamines are at least twice as likely to be abused and include, Adderall, Dextrostat, and Dexedrine. Stimulants increase dopamine, a brain chemical associated with pleasure, in a quick, intensified way. These substances can be very addictive if abused. Crushing up the pills and snorting or injecting them allows the euphoria to hit quicker and more intensely, but the chances of addiction increase substantially. Although these medications have been prescribed for over thirty years, we still don’t fully understand how they work. One thing that is for sure, their use amongst young adults has been growing rapidly. More than 18 million prescriptions were written for Adderall alone in 2010, an increase of 13% from the year before. But be careful; even though they are legal for those with prescriptions, the DEA still lists these drugs as Class 2, along with cocaine, morphine, and opium.

Stimulants drugs for ADHD come in short or long acting pill form. Short acting pills will be effective for two or three hours. Long acting, or extended release pills slowly release their effect over the course of 8-12 hours. If you do not have ADHD, you may feel increased self-confidence and get a buzz from the pill; your pupils may dilate, your mouth and nose may go dry, and you might talk a mile a minute. Other side-effects include:

  • Restlessness
  • Difficulty sleeping
  • Loss of appetite
  • Headaches
  • Nausea
  • Mood swings
  • Depression
  • Dizziness
  • Increased heart rate
  • Ticks

These drugs can also change your personality; you may feel inhibited, less spontaneous, and you may develop symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. More serious side-effects include dangerously high blood pressure, irregular heartbeat, trouble breathing, seizures, tremors and certain mental disorders.

Other risks:

  • Children and adults with heart conditions can suddenly die after using these medications.
  • Many researchers believe that these drugs negatively impact brain development in children and teens.
  • Feelings of aggression, depression, anxiety and paranoia can emerge or increase. For people with a personal or family history of suicide, depression, or bipolar disorder, it can be extremely dangerous to take these drugs.
  • People with high blood-pressure, heart disease, Hyperthyroidism, Glaucoma, or a history of drug abuse should also avoid these pills.
  • Some people dissolve the pills in water and inject them to get a more intense reaction, but insoluble fillers in the pills can block small blood vessels.
  • Misusing these drugs to lose weight, pull an all-nighter, or get high can cause addiction.
  • Abuse of the drug may lead to withdraw symptoms of extreme fatigue, depression, and unusual sleep patterns.
  • High doses over long periods of time can cause stroke, and cerebral shifts which initiate confusion, hallucinations, delusions and paranoia.
  • They can also cause serious psychotic breakdowns.

These are dangerous drugs that are meant to be managed by a doctor. If you have a prescription, don’t let your friends know so they won’t hound you for pills all the time. If you don’t give them out or sell them, you won’t contribute to potentially giving your friends any of the above issues. You may also want to suggest that your friends take a shot of espresso if they are looking for some Addy; recent studies show that while drugs like Ritalin or Adderall may keep you up longer, they are not necessarily any more effective than a cup of coffee for improving focus in non-ADHD people. And that’s a fact, Jack.

Professor Billows

Professor Billows

(Transcribed from the audio tapes of Professor James Billows)

Professor Billows has a PhD in Chemistry from Oxford University. He was born in Holland into a military family, and has lived in seven different countries. He is an active contributor to collegedose.org, and a professor of chemistry at St. Charles University in New Orleans, where he currently resides with his wife and two beagles.

Ok, here I am. Sitting on my balcony. It’s Saturday, April 27, 2013. It’s about 1:50 PM. I took 50 mg of Ritalin, the extended release version, about four hours ago. It’s really coming on now. I feel something. It’s kind of a buzz I guess. But it’s kind of insane– I’m definitely on some ride I can’t get off of. It’s all out of my control now. My thoughts actually feel kind of clunky or clumsy, though they are moving quickly. This drug has weird peaks and troughs of intensity. I was writing a grocery list earlier, took an hour– I was just so into it! I feel sort of like shouting at people walking down below me. They probably think I’m some mentally unstable hillbilly sitting up here talking to myself. But there’s no one else to talk to. I feel like talking. I would just love to sit down and have a chat with someone! But there is no one around. No one I know. That always seems to be the case when I do these damn drug trials. I must start doing drugs socially…

Earlier I had my laptop out just as the effects were coming on. 50 mg is a kind of a high dose I think. I like to push these things though– for you, the readers of collegedose.org. Besides, who knew if all that coke I did a couple weeks ago impacted my tolerance. Boy is this strong! So, uh, anyway, I had my laptop out, thinking I would do some work, and see how much, if at all, my ability to undertake academic endeavors improved. I guess I was in the mood to procrastinate though; I decided I’d play one quick game of solitaire, just one, and then I’d get to work. Something came over me though. I don’t know– I was insatiable. I had to play more and more, something was driving me. Keep going, keep playing! Game after game! Winning did nothing to stop me. I just wanted more! I played for a good two hours without looking away. Never got any work done. I somehow managed to pry myself from the thing when the mailman came and the dogs lost their minds. Thank heavens I escaped! I guess repetitive things– mindless tasks are like a bear trap when you’re on this drug. Who knows how long you could get stuck doing something like that.

I feel like I have a ton of energy. Actually, that’s not quite right. I just feel really sped up, like I’m moving faster within; as though my inner life and organs are moving faster than the world around me. Does that make sense? I need to somehow get things on my same pace. Jiminy crickets. Alright, alright, alright, alright. I’m going to sign off until later. I need to find something to do… I think I’ll hit the treadmill.

Sweet Bippy! I would not recommend hitting the treadmill. It’s now 3:07 PM. I climbed aboard the lofty machine and started to run just after my last recording ended. After twenty minutes of sustained jogging, I felt as though some bizarre miniature native was beating my heart like a Djembe. I was suddenly very dizzy, a mental darkness was approaching. To stable myself I tried to reach out for the front bar where the timer is, but I immediately stumbled and lost my balance. Drenched in sweat and panic, I slammed my face onto the console. Well, I don’t remember what happened next exactly; I was down like a ton of bricks. But it has become obvious that the treadmill’s conveyer belt swiftly discarded me in one ruthless motion. I awoke in a rumpled pile on the floor, Rutherford licking me all over my agonized body. Rutherford being one of my dogs, not any kind of sexual associate… When I looked up the treadmill was still rolling on, as if some ghostly specter were training for the marathon. It’s all been a bit traumatic. There was little doubt in my mind that I was suffering some kind of cardiac emergency. I thought for sure I was on the way to see the weird beard in the sky. But you know what they say, what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. If you fall off, get back on the horse…Which reminds me. Where did I put those pills…? Good evening. Or good morning rather. Its 1:45 AM, Sunday, April 21st in New Orleans, Louisiana. I had a bit more Ritalin at about… sometime this afternoon, just to you know, uh…. I thought the effects would wear off by now… They have to some degree, quite a lot actually, except I cannot sleep! It’s driving me nuts! So I’m up– in the living room now trying to watch something decent on TV. Horrible. Nothing on.

It’s uh, 6:54 AM. Still awake from that damn drug. Still transfixed, watching terrible television and infomercials. I’m sure this is what hell is like. I cannot believe it! Will someone please come knock me out? Please. My wife is up now making coffee. She was not amused by my tales of woe involving treadmills. I’m sure she thinks I’m a deranged lunatic of the worst kind. Perhaps she’s right… Well, I can’t take any more of this damn television… I think I’ll clean the house.

Over the Counter

Coming Soon

Illegal (Ecstasy/MDMA/Molly, Cocaine)

Ecstasy/MDMA/Molly

Your Dose: (How the drugs make you feel as described by real people)

Your Dose: (How the drugs make you feel as described by real people)

mdma01You might feel… your entire reality has shifted, ecstasy/intense euphoria, uncontrollable clenching of your jaw or grinding of your teeth, trippy, tingly, loss of inhibitions, desire to dance or listen to music, increased energy, like you’re in a utopia, at peace with yourself and others, timelessness, friendly, loving, widened eyes, anxious, loss of self, enjoyment of simple things, urge to smile, horny.

MDMA stands for 3, 4- Methylenedioxymethamphetamine, and is one of the most popular recreational drugs in clubs and on the rave scene. Molly refers to the pure form of MDMA and typically comes in a white crystal, or powder form, though sometimes the substance is found in gel caps. Pure MDMA is swallowed and rarely snorted.

mdma02

Ecstasy, E, or X, is a pill form of MDMA that can be any color, and usually has a little picture of some sort on it. It is less pure, cut with other substances ranging from Ketamine, LSD, Amphetamines, cleaning products, and anything in between. Sometimes ecstasy pills have no MDMA in them at all. People will either swallow, or crush and snort the pills. Adulteration makes ecstasy more dangerous, because not only are you unaware of what you are taking, but certain drug combinations can be deadly.

MDMA provides users with feelings of intense euphoria, love for everyone within a twenty mile radius, and a stimulant effect which will keep you dancing the night away.

Warning: glow sticks and trance music may become more appealing.

mdma03Easy though hippies and hipsters, MDMA is not all peace, love, and blissed out vibes; it is a Schedule I drug with many side-effects and potential risks.

MDMA is a phenethylamine, closely related chemically to Mescaline. It has been described as a hallucinogenic stimulant, or psychedelic amphetamine, but anything akin to an acid trip in terms of visuals is rare. MDMA works by causing a flood of serotonin and dopamine into the nervous system, and lasts between 3-8 hours, followed by a slow comedown. Once it kicks in, anxiety floats away, music sounds better, colors may become more intense, peace, acceptance, self-confidence and positivity will all overflow within you. The love and empathy you feel for those around you, strangers and friends alike, will essentially turn your into a big puppy dog. And because you might enjoy the feeling of touch more than normal, you may be looking to be everyone’s lapdog.

mdma04

People sometimes feel very talkative as well, but make sure you chat with others on the drug; no one else will be able to understand you.

You may also clench your jaw so hard that you look like Popeye.

mdma05Involuntary muscular tension is a notorious side-effect that can make your eyes twitch and your muscles cramp. The lower face muscles are especially susceptible, which is why people experience this “gurning” effect in their jaws. Clamping down so hard can lead to permanent damage in your back teeth. Some people suck on pacifiers to counteract the problem– nothing sexier than an overgrown baby.

But you may not need to worry about getting any action anyway; although ecstasy has a strong reputation for being a sensual love drug, the feeling is usually more affectionate than sexual. Some statistics show that as many as 40% of men have erectile problems after taking ecstasy. Most men also report penis shrinkage.

Because there are so many different chemicals in ecstasy the side-effects are extensive. Here’s what else to expect:

  • Dilated pupils, suppressed appetite, feeling detached from your body, dry mouth, chills, sweats, anxiety, agitation, panic attacks, recklessness, fainting, hypertension, tremors, seizures, nausea and vomiting, massive headaches, confusion, paranoia, blurry vision, nightmares, depression, dehydration, inability to urinate, exhaustion, sleeping issues, and psychosis. Blood pressure and heart rate usually increase as well; it is extremely dangerous for those with a heart or blood pressure condition to take the drug, along with people with epilepsy or asthma.

Some side-effects can be fatal. MDMA affects the body’s ability to regulate temperature. Without regulation, your body temperature may increase, decrease, or do one than the other. When the body overheats, the heart’s efficiency is impacted, and the potential problems are compounded. Without immediate medical attention your muscles can start to break down too, leading to kidney failure. If you are dancing harder than Travolta in the 70s’, you further increase the chances of dehydrating.

Therefore, it’s best to stay away from alcohol, which additionally dehydrates you. Oddly, drinking too much water can also be dangerous. X initiates a hormone which stops urine production. Drinking too much water can throw off your body’s salt balance and actually kill you. Ecstasy also relaxes your body in such a way that you might not feel pain or exhaustion; sometimes those who are in danger of overheating do not even realize it. This is the most common death linked to Ecstasy and MDMA; however, heart and liver failure have been reported. Some people seem to be allergic to the drug as well, and just one dose can kill them. Because ecstasy isn’t clean, some of the drugs in a pill may not kick in as fast, leading people to take more of the drug and accidently overdose. MDMA in the bloodstream actually hinders your body’s ability to break it down and can produce high blood levels which worsen its toxicity. Signs of an overdose include vomiting, dizziness, and strong muscle cramps.

In the days after taking MDMA you may experience some of the same negative side-effects such as anxiety, aggression, and sleep issues. You may also experience the dreaded crash. The come down from ecstasy can be brutal, and can last several days, sometimes bringing about a case of the blues that’s as bad as clinical depression. You may also feel very lethargic, and you may have a reduced enjoyment and interest in sex.

Your brain simply does not function as well after taking the drug, particularly your memory. This can last up to a week, but possibly a lot longer. There is evidence that your memory is permanently weakened by MDMA. In addition, production and density of serotonin, a chemical in the brain which regulates mood, appetite, pain, aggressive behavior, learning, sleep, sexual activity and memory, seems to decrease with use of the drug. Repeated use exacerbates the problem. Depression, anxiety, confusion, aggressive, or impulsive behavior, and sleep problems can be permanent. Another possible permanent side-effect is MDMA induced Hepatitis, of which there are many recorded cases.

The more you take it, the higher your tolerance, and the less you feel the lovey-dovey effects of the drug. Instead, the speedy amphetamine reaction takes a predominant role, so the first time you take it will probably be the best. In fact, MDMA has a reputation for not being addictive, but contrary to its reputation, many people display dependent symptoms. Tolerance itself is a symptom of drug dependence, but withdrawal is also reported, and many people report difficulty refraining from taking it despite damage it may be doing to them socially, psychologically or physically.

Professor Billows

Professor Billows

(Transcribed from the audio tapes of Professor James Billows)Professor Billows has a PhD in Chemistry from Oxford University. He was born in Holland into a military family, and has lived in seven different countries. He is an active contributor to collegedose.org, and a professor of chemistry at St. Charles University in New Orleans, where he currently resides with his wife and two beagles.

Oh my goodness! Hello… collegedose.org. I don’t have any idea what time it is. I can’t see straight. Its spring time. It’s hot! Really hot. Is the AC on in here? Sweat is dripping off me. My heart is beating out of my chest! Its evening… I’m having trouble here. I took some pure MDMA about an hour ago I guess… but who knows!?! I can’t see very well, everything is blurry and I feel really kind of… like I might vomit. I’m going to try to hang in there and tell you what’s going on here. I couldn’t feel any effects after I licked my finger and dabbed it in the bag 4 or 5 times. So about half an hour later I did it again… Now I think it’s all kicking in at once. Am I going to die? I feel so weird. I had my usual Tom Collins night cap, and I don’t know if that’s making things worse. Wowzers! Oh, here we go… Must dash…

Well hello again! That started off pretty rocky; things were looking pretty grim, but they have certainly improved. It’s smooth sailing now boys! There is a distinct warm feeling radiating through me. I find myself smiling like a fool! I don’t know why! My thoughts feel very clear though– to me anyway. Maybe I’m jabbering away like a lunatic. I wouldn’t know. We will find out if any of this is intelligible later when I play it back. I had to relieve a little bile before, nasty business. You don’t want to hear about it. I felt very nauseated though to say the least. I was sure this drug was tainted with some acid or something. Everything looked so strange… like I was in a cartoon, but I was also seeing double, and then I couldn’t keep it down anymore. Ye Gads! The colors around me are mesmerizing! My skin feels so– sensitive. I can really feel my shirt touching my skin. It feels like it’s caressing me; I’m all tingly. It’s like all the hairs on my arms are standing up, though they don’t appear to be. My thoughts are turning to my wife. If the touch of my shirt can make me feel this good, imagine… Goodness! I love my wife. She’s so beautiful… She’s in bed though, and she told me not to wake her up. Perhaps I should just pet the dogs. I love my dogs!

“Come here boys. Yes. Here Cobalt.”

Uh-oh, Cobalt is eating my steak now.

“Stop that Cobalt… Cobalt… Ah, well, it’s ok. I don’t mind actually. You can eat my steak. I’m not hungry at all! Such a sweet boy!” Rutherford is sitting with me now. Cobalt is eating my steak. Rutherford is so loving.

“Yes, aren’t you?”

Their souls are so pure; so loyal! What noble creatures! I’m sure they are somehow in tune with the frequencies in my head. This is so sensual, touching Rutherford. His licks give me little tingles. Reality has definitely shifted here. I feel so connected to everything. Ye Gads! I feel so present. Time is not of the essence. Now is all there is! Can’t you see!?! I must say, as a scientific man I am normally an atheist, but I think I’ve found God! And I think somehow, it’s my dog.

Its 1:00 AM in New Orleans, Louisiana, and I am sitting outside with my portable speakers. Pink Floyd’s Dark Side of the Moon is playing. It’s blowing my mind wide open. The stars, the sounds, are all pulsing through my body. It feels so good! I realize now that you are all my brothers and my sisters. We are all one, and we are all made of these stars. The big bang is inside the tiny crystals of MDMA I put inside my body, and the big bang is inside you too. I love everyone! Ye Gads! Why is there war? Why don’t people realize that by killing others, we are killing ourselves? Why are there so many canned food drives, but no can opener drives? It baffles the mind…

4:23 AM. I couldn’t have gone to sleep any earlier, but now I am considering retiring to bed. I’m definitely coming down now. A few hours ago I noticed a new propensity to clench my teeth—forcing them together very strongly. My mouth is so sore and dry, but I still can’t stop biting down so damn hard! I think my tongue is bleeding. The overall sensation I feel mentally is disappointment; the high is ending, and my normal reality is returning. I am getting a little down I guess… A little paranoid. I’m afraid I will never be as intelligent again. I remember being in England when this whole ecstasy thing kicked off; the House music, and the raves… Of course, being somewhat of a book worm, I didn’t participate. Tonight was my first experience with the drug, but I am well aware of the dangerous effects. Friends of mine from those days munched it like M&Ms; people only in their forties now. They can’t remember what they ate for breakfast, even if they are still eating it. As a scholar and mentor to young minds, I naturally worry about the damage I could be doing to my own. I’m getting the fear, and there’s nothing that can be done about it… Or perhaps…

7:15 AM. I took another dose less than three hours ago. What a roller coaster! The sensual feelings have returned in full force. My wife should be waking up now. There is another full hour before she will leave to go to work. I’m going to go make sure she stays in bed until then, if you catch my drift… Let’s just hope the old boy works!

Following the recording, Professor Billows and his wife discovered that his genitalia had shriveled temporarily to the size of a cocktail sausage. His wife was unimpressed and left to go to work.

Cocaine

Your Dose: (How the drugs make you feel as described by real people)

Your Dose: (How the drugs make you feel as described by real people)

cocaine01You might feel… confident, invincible, decreased insecurity, happy, relaxed, energetic, talkative, rushes of energy, excitement, satisfaction, well-being, and as though it’s very addictive and you want more and more.

Cocaine may make you feel glamorous or on top of the world, but don’t forget, in reality you’re probably in some dive hunched over a cramped toilet seat ordinarily too filthy to touch, snorting a dangerous chemical, and looking more like this guy.

Cocaine is known by several nicknames; coke, blow, snow, nose candy, yayo, and Charlie, to name a few. It gives users a powerful, albeit short high, but has the potential to leave you in terrible shape the next morning. The comedown from coke is legendary, occasionally lasting days. When the buzz is gone and the crash begins, expect to feel very tired, depressed, unwell or in physical pain. Cocaine is a stimulant, so it makes users feel very alert and awake during the high, sometimes even making them feel arrogant or aggressive, and prone to take careless risks.

Cocaine is a white powdery substance that is most commonly snorted, or sniffed through the nose. This is unlike crack, a much cheaper form of cocaine, which comes in small lumps or rocks, and is frequently smoked.

There are many risks associated with cocaine use:

  • Cocaine can be lethal. High doses raise the body’s temperature and can cause convulsions and heart failure. The risk of death rises significantly when cocaine is mixed with other drugs or alcohol. Mixing cocaine with alcohol produces a toxic chemical in your body known as, cocaethylene.
  • Cocaine is especially dangerous for people with heart conditions or high blood pressure, as even those with a clean bill of health can suffer heart attacks after taking large quantities.
  • Cocaine can make you feel depressed, anxious, and paranoid. It can bring about panic attacks, or prompt previous mental health issues to reemerge.
  • Cocaine can seriously damage the cartilage in your nose, sometimes resulting in a hole in the septum.
  • Cocaine is highly addictive, and highly expensive; it can easily become an unaffordable habit.
  • Cocaine is frequently adulterated or “cut” with other substances such as, baking soda, talcum powder, or corn starch. This can be particularly dangerous if cocaine is smoked or injected. Since 2009, the DEA has issued a warning that as much as 1/3 of all cocaine in the U.S has been cut with, or contaminated by Levamisole, a veterinary dewormer. This combination has resulted in a significant amount of deaths and hospitalizations.
  • Cocaine is also extremely risky during pregnancy. It has been responsible for causing miscarriages, early labor, and low birth weight. 35% of infants exposed to cocaine during pregnancy suffer brain defects or hemorrhage. Cocaine use while pregnant can also result in disruption to the development of the baby’s genitals and head.
  • Once the baby arrives, it is very common to notice withdraw symptoms which include seizures, depression, lethargy, feeding problems, hyperactivity, vomiting, diarrhea, and high-pitched cries. Unfortunately, these symptoms can be indicators of life-long central nervous system damage. Another long-term effect is cognitive and developmental delay of the child.

Professor Billows

Professor Billows

(Transcribed from the audio tapes of Professor James Billows)

Professor Billows has a PhD in Chemistry from Oxford University. He was born in Holland into a military family, and has lived in seven different countries. He is an active contributor to collegedose.org, and a professor of chemistry at St. Charles University in New Orleans, where he currently resides with his wife and two beagles.

Well here I am, sitting alone in my living room, engrossed in yet another drug trial for collegedose.org. It’s been about an hour since I took my last dose of that strange drug, cocaine, and I must say it feels different than I had anticipated. There isn’t the clarity I had expected to feel. I’m almost drunk sounding—sort of sloppy in my manner, but I haven’t had more than my usual Tom Collins night cap. There is a very bitter taste at the back of my throat after snorting a line. It’s a very weird feeling; on the inside I feel something akin to speed, but it’s not as powerful. I have taken what any normal, civilized human being would consider to be an extremely large quantity of cocaine over the course of several hours. I must admit, it’s my first time taking the substance. I was a little worried when I got the assignment, for I remembered a friend of mine from my youth with a propensity to toot the stuff. Over time, the coke seriously damaged the cartilage in his nose. It became a tremendous mess of scab and ungodly crustiness. Eventually it disintegrated all together leaving nothing but a bitter hole through his once pure septum. Good gracious, the ghastliness of standing near him when he sneezed! One day the whole thing gave up, caved in. Ye Gads! I still shudder to think of it. His nose looked worse than Michael Jackson’s and Bruce Jenner’s combined… But never mind, back to the matter at hand. It’s about 4:00 AM, here in New Orleans; the sun has not yet come up. This drug has a very social feel; it’s a pity– even the dogs are down for the count. But I have myself for company and miles to go before I sleep. I could do something with the towering stack of papers I need to grade on my desk, but there is no urgency to work. This is another real difference in the way speed hits you and the way coke seems to. I remember indulging in a bit o’ speed in the ‘70s. I wouldn’t recommend it, but I could work on it. Coke is for socializing; I have no desire to work. There is also a tremendous pain in my sinuses I just developed in the last, I don’t know, hour or so. There is a throbbing; I feel as though my right eyeball may explode out of the socket, which under the circumstances might help the pain and sensitivity to light I am experiencing. I guess I’ll go make some coffee…

I’m unsure as to whether the coffee was a positive addition to this coke rushing through my system. I’m staring at a picture I have in my living room. It’s Vermeer’s “Girl with a Pearl Earring.” She appears to be looking back at me. I wonder what she wants. Shit! Its 5:16 AM now. I guess technically its Friday morning, March 15, 2013… The year of our lord. I find I have a strong desire to do another line, but I’m not really sure why. My sinuses still feel as though someone is driving a jackhammer through them. I have been using a dirty old dollar bill for a straw. The germs that must be on these things, Ye Gads! I never thought about it. Who knows whose nose this green paper has been in?! Who knows whose nose… that sounds like a weird sentence to me, is that a weird sentence? Everything is starting to get a little cloudy in my head. The painting is suddenly making me anxious… What do you want from me? What is it you’re really looking for? Shit… Well, I suppose it has been a long night. I’ll just read a little then go to bed before the paranoia and sweats really get their hands on me. I’m feeling kind of edgy I guess, panicky. I keep hearing weird sounds. Strange and terrible things go bump in the night. I suppose the dogs will bark if the coppers come after me. I guess I will wrap up here and try to get a grip on myself. In conclusion, I’d say it’s been an interesting experiment, but the high isn’t worth the price. It’s bizarre to think of some people, some of my students, compulsively looking for opportunities to buy it, occasions to snort it. It’s not the type of high I would put at the top of my list. I wouldn’t go chasing after it. It’s short; it’s a quick kind of, fashion-over- substance kind of a high, and I’m certain I can feel the fear creeping in, even now.

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